I have finally completed nearly all of my holiday shopping–I just want it to be over. This isn’t like me as I do enjoy giving gifts and surprising someone with a present. However, this year, I just haven’t felt it. I have completed the motions, fulfilled my obligations, but I am still waiting for that Christmasy feeling to take over.
The holidays have felt extremely contrived–entirely inauthentic.
I have despised everything to do with it: the shopping, the extra work engagements, the late nights wrapping and scribbling rushed Christmas cards. I want it all to be over, why can’t it just be January 1st, 2019?
It’s weird for me to feel this disconnected, it’s an alien sensation because I am all about any holiday. I usually prefer the break from the normal, boring weeks adulting. It’s such a joy to release my inner child to the movies, songs, and gift wrap.
I think part of the reason I’m off is that I have such a little time for my friends with my current work schedule. I can usually pick a gift for anyone, but this year I’m not sure what to buy anyone. My life is super unbalanced, and suddenly I have to many personal commitments when usually there is nothing but endless emails and fucking traffic.
I think the jump from the work extreme to the holiday extreme is what has gotten me–the lack of any sort of balance. I do not care for busyness, but everything about my life right now is so chaotic and intense. Sometimes, I would give anything to be back as a student sometimes. I had so much free time back then–even with the finals, lazy group partners, and complicated homework.
I just so want this chaotic season of my life to be over.